( he almost snaps the question but he takes a breath, calms himself down. the anger is always there, ever present, but this isn't the right place to let it out. this is just...talking.
he tips his head back. )
How do you learn your truth in a place like this? What they showed me, it could be real. But it might not be. There's no way to verify. There's no truth to figure out.
[Crane mirrors that need for peace. He begins closing his eyes, folding his hands in his lap. His voice is quiet and placid with no twinge of annoyance.]
You acknowledge it as real or choose to ignore it as irrelevent.
[He lifts his chin.]
In my case, I had to choose whether to ignore the fate a friend knows the future holds for me. Perhaps ignore is the wrong word. But I thought I would pay my attention to events that matter in the present. Que Sera, Sera.
( that makes a lot of sense. to know the future tends to make your present a lot more complicated. it makes you think that something is locked in so every thing you do is tainted by it.
he hums, rubbing the side of his face. )
But knowing what I know and accepting it as truth means I could change it, couldn't I?
[Crane purses his lips and diverts his gaze. His mind turns towards that hypothetical question, analyses and finalises his answer in an instant.]
I would like to tell you the future can be changed but there is no difference between the future and the past.
[And accept it's real.]
We are products of our genetics and environment. Our decisions are driven by input and we make our choices in the moment. If you want to change what you believe will happen, you have to change yourself. Unfortunately, most barely understand what that entails.
( that...is probably not going to happen. he's tried to change and it's never worked. he drops his chin down to his chest, thoughtful. )
Because the person I am now would make the same choices no matter what I knew?
( he doesn't know if he agrees with that but...he also can't dismiss it either. it's not farfetched, he just thinks future knowledge would impact what he does now. )
Yes you would. Because your decisions until now have been to escape or avoid this negative situation.
[He collects his hands in his lap; turns them over and hides his thumbs.]
If you want to change your outcome, you need to change your environment. Consider today an example of what you should be doing. By hearing my opinion you are exposed to a positive form of stimulus. This affords you an outcome different from one that would have been available to you.
Well, down the path of negative reinforcement, yes.
[His voice is mild and pleasant.]
Perhaps I should explain. By describing your actions as negative, I am not ascribing blame, but highlighting a result that is undermining your condition. Negative actions encourage specific behaviour by removing something you find undesirable. For example, by avoiding your emotions until now, you have increased the frequency of your distress.
[He falls silent for one moment and looks for a reaction.]
( and grudgingly, matt has to admit that he's right. he's avoided talking about this for so long that wanda probably thinks he's never going to tell her and locking it up means it's festered and picked at him for months now.
he rubs hi chin. )
Better late than never, at least? I would hope. This is completely new for me. I didn't want to be here but I'm here, at least.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( but that hadn't happened. instead, he'd woken up in abraxas and he'd been there ever since. )
I thought I deserved it. But then —
( he shakes his head slowly. )
I regained memories overnight and — I hadn't died.
no subject
It's a shock, isn't it?
[Less so a question than an observation. His memories remain intact but his future actions are terrorising the memories of others.]
Does it feel less like it happened to you and more to somebody else?
no subject
( like it's something being shown to him to give him some kind of false hope. to make him go back home and be the man he was again. )
How do I know that it's true? That it's going to happen. Why should I believe it?
no subject
[Silence hangs on the air. Confessed feelings are processed into symptoms: all of which are gathered and organised into patterns of behaviour.]
The decisions we make as individuals are dependent on accurate information and verifiable evidence. Perhaps you should examine yours. Learn the truth.
no subject
( he almost snaps the question but he takes a breath, calms himself down. the anger is always there, ever present, but this isn't the right place to let it out. this is just...talking.
he tips his head back. )
How do you learn your truth in a place like this? What they showed me, it could be real. But it might not be. There's no way to verify. There's no truth to figure out.
no subject
You acknowledge it as real or choose to ignore it as irrelevent.
[He lifts his chin.]
In my case, I had to choose whether to ignore the fate a friend knows the future holds for me. Perhaps ignore is the wrong word. But I thought I would pay my attention to events that matter in the present. Que Sera, Sera.
[Right?]
no subject
( even if it's not what he expected to happen and it's not what he wanted to happen. it's what happened is what his mind had provided.)
Is it easy for you? To ignore knowledge like that?
no subject
[His head tilts back.]
Knowing my future squeezes the fun out of life. If I cannot test the hypothesis of my decisions, why bother waking up in the morning?
no subject
he hums, rubbing the side of his face. )
But knowing what I know and accepting it as truth means I could change it, couldn't I?
( it's somewhat of a hypothetical question. )
no subject
I would like to tell you the future can be changed but there is no difference between the future and the past.
[And accept it's real.]
We are products of our genetics and environment. Our decisions are driven by input and we make our choices in the moment. If you want to change what you believe will happen, you have to change yourself. Unfortunately, most barely understand what that entails.
no subject
Because the person I am now would make the same choices no matter what I knew?
( he doesn't know if he agrees with that but...he also can't dismiss it either. it's not farfetched, he just thinks future knowledge would impact what he does now. )
no subject
[He collects his hands in his lap; turns them over and hides his thumbs.]
If you want to change your outcome, you need to change your environment. Consider today an example of what you should be doing. By hearing my opinion you are exposed to a positive form of stimulus. This affords you an outcome different from one that would have been available to you.
[Geddit?]
no subject
( he doesn't know if he considers exposing himself like this positive but it's been...something. )
So, you're saying that if I hadn't come here, I would have been continuing down the path of negative?
no subject
[His voice is mild and pleasant.]
Perhaps I should explain. By describing your actions as negative, I am not ascribing blame, but highlighting a result that is undermining your condition. Negative actions encourage specific behaviour by removing something you find undesirable. For example, by avoiding your emotions until now, you have increased the frequency of your distress.
[He falls silent for one moment and looks for a reaction.]
Does that make sense?
no subject
( and grudgingly, matt has to admit that he's right. he's avoided talking about this for so long that wanda probably thinks he's never going to tell her and locking it up means it's festered and picked at him for months now.
he rubs hi chin. )
Better late than never, at least? I would hope. This is completely new for me. I didn't want to be here but I'm here, at least.
no subject
You have done well to come here.
[He closes his book and rests his hands on one knee.]
Which begs the question: would you like to come again?